Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Its about making memories worth repressing
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Please don't give away my fajitas
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
