..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
