Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
