He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize