and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
