The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize