I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
