it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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