Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
