What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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