I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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