So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
