So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize