I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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