you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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