My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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