its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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