A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
