beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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