well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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