he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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