You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The best revenge is premature balding
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
