absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
