What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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