I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize