I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
