So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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