apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
