I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I think your dad took our porno
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
