just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
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