I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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