He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
