3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
