My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize