I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
