girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
In America we eat man semen.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
