Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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