Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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