my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
