i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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