I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
