So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
