your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
