I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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