Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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