New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
