The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
