You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
