guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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