they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
