We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
His hands were made for my vagina.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize