you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
