"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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