i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
