You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
