i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
