It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
