Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
