shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
