I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
