Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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