well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
