Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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