i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
