she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
