Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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