I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
