Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
