I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
