Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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