Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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