you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Also, beer. Big fan.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I touched a dick in church today
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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