the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
