Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
