You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
