i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
