There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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