I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
