I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
