did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
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