It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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