Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize