it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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