dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
