dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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