so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
