dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
