i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
