so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Two words: blizzard sex
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
