You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
