On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
