isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
