Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
