So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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