Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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