Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize