I wanna bring you to show and tell
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
