She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
