You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
