I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
