textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
