you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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