The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
