I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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