Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
