I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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