i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
